There are people. Many more than you may think. People who can’t sleep. Caffeine? No. Sleep apnea? No. Eating before bedtime? No. The Great Asteroid making a beeline for planet Earth? Yes.

There are people obsessed with the Great Asteroid. It’s out there and closing in fast. They lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, eyes wide, saucer plates of angst, their bedclothes drenched in sweat. Why? Why worry about something that is immeasurably unlikely to happen within the next billion years? The dinosaurs didn’t worry, and look where they are today (oops, I fell into that one.) But having brought this up, there are people who deny the existence of dinosaurs. There never were such creatures because fossil evidence is fake, and they’re not mentioned in the bible. The Arc could never accommodate them, not even one let alone two of every kind plus it’s a known fact the Earth is only 6,000 years old and flat to boot just put a level on the ground if you want proof but I digress. Back to the asteroid neurotics the people who never worry about death by cancer or traffic accidents or homicide or stepping on banana peels or psychotic spouses rabid dogs lunatic clowns lightening striking twice in the same place plagues pandemics terminal restless leg syndrome uncontrolled gerd the careless wife who drops a plugged in heater in her husband’s bath old age aneurysms or simple natural causes while sleeping peacefully surrounded by family (a fate worse than death).

But they can’t get their minds off that asteroid. In an infinite universe there could be trillions of them floating around near the speed of light willy nilly cosmic pinballs no rhyme or reason one knocking into another changing course careening helter skelter onto a pathway to Earth unstoppable inexorable where the hell’s Bruce Willis when we need him there look up in the sky it’s Super Asteroid looming larger every day until it swallows the sky then boom the world and all of its denizens pulverized evaporated could be a blessing in disguise no more migraines traffic jams bankruptcies hemorrhoids boorish offensive neighbors a final cosmic analgesic

just ask the dinosaurs they have no worries.

2 thoughts on “Ode To The Asteroid People (A Stream Of Consciousness Rant)

  1. I wasn’t so sure about the pulverization being a blessing in disguise until you mentioned the no more hemorrhoids, then you had me.

    Another good one Ron, please keep them coming.


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